Leigh over at That’s Write is hosting a blogfest of humorous proportions today. An epic idea to begin with, but even better for a Monday because everyone needs a little pick me up to start their week. Basically, hit up all the blogs for a laugh or 90+ and let everyone know how you made their day ^_^
My sense of humor is a little odd – I like bad puns (but don’t we all?) and subtle one-liners that draw a chuckle, or an outright guffaw if the mood is right. And since this is a blogfest by and for writings, I decided to combine that with one of my favorite authors. If you’ve never read a Discworld book by Terry Pratchett, you’re seriously missing out. It’s political satire in a fantasy setting at its absolute ultimate best. And the books have some of the best one-liners I’ve ever come across. So, in no particular order, from the Discworld books:
Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying
The pen is mightier than the sword … if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you’re attempting can’t be done. A person ignorant of the possibility of failure can be a halfbrick in the path of the bicycle of history.
“Look, I’ll be frank,” he said. “I could point you in the direction of a great brothel.”
“I’ve already had lunch,” said Mort vaguely.
Wizards don’t like philosophy very much. As far as they are concerned, one hand clapping makes a sound like ‘cl’.
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, “Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.
You do not ask people like that what they are thinking about in case they turn around very slowly and say ‘You.’
Bishops move diagonally. That’s why they often turn up where the kings don’t expect them to be.
The shortest unit of ‘time’ in the multiverse is the New York second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.
Happy Monday!
Great list! I like the last one. 🙂
~Melissa
LOl chicken and a feather. I liked the pirate immortality one, too. And I agree with you on the last one.
Another reason to read my stash of Terry Pratchett books….funny naughty quotes!
I loved the first one! So funny. I’m going to have to check out those books 🙂
OMG, these were too funny. The chicken? The NY second? Excellent!
Totally hilarious…especially the chicken/feather one. And the wizards. XD Great entry!
~TRA
http://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com
I like the chicken and feather one too!
I’m really into pirates lately (can’t wait for Cap’n Jack Sparrow to sail into theaters again–argh) so the first was my fave! Thanks for the laughs! 🙂
The feather and the chicken…too hilarious! Thanks for sharing these.
I love the pirate one! I need to read another Pratchett…it’s been too long.
Funny stuff. I agree with Vicki, my favorite was the pirate. Happy blogfest day!
that last one almost reminds me of my four blondes at the four-way stop!!! And I liked the one about jumping out from behind rocks… 😀 BAH!!! Thought you were someone else…
Thanks for playing!!! :o)