Chapters. 28 chapters. Or so.
I did not edit yesterday. I stared at my novel bleary-eyed and tweaked the very first paragraph. I added description of the noise in the diner kitchen. That was it.
In my defense, I didn’t do much of anything yesterday. I had a twinge of the migraine and I don’t think so good when that’s going on. That and yesterday I hated my story. But today is better, I love my story again and the headache has evaporated.
So I sent said story to my co-worker on Sunday night. Nothing back. And of course then I went “aww crap. What if he was just being nice?” Except that it’s not like I approached him and begged him to read my work. It came up in casual conversation. Initiated by him. But yesterday he stopped by my desk and thanked me for sending it. Thanked. Too cool. And I tried to tell him I may have sent it too soon because I feel like the ending really needs some serious fleshing out (since it’s in draft one where the rest of the story is in draft five). But he wouldn’t hear it.
And instead of editing, at least I was productive and wrote my pitch. Or took a stab at it. I’ve told people this is my first draft. That’s not quite true. I queried this novel two years ago with the most horrible query letter ever written. Something like “this story is good and not Christian fiction but rather an exploration of perception.” Yeah. it was all downhill from there. And I submitted the logline to a contest a few months back and got feedback on it as well. So it’s not like I’m completely starting from scratch.
This is what I have as of this morning. If anyone is so inclined, feel free to tear it to shreds. Don’t feel obligated, but I have to make it better somehow, right?
As the next advocate for humanity, the archangel Uriel has what should be a simple task ahead of her: live a mortal lifestyle so she can better understand the people she will represent. Her mentor, Lucifer, forgot to tell her mortality included aching feet, going hungry when rent was due, and hearing voices (which she’s pretty sure isn’t normal for most people).
When she meets Loki, an ancient god from another pantheon, he makes the first two problems vanish in an instant, but the voice just gets louder. He offers her glory and power without the extra work her current god requires. He neglects to mention pissing him off will get her banished to oblivion without a second thought.
As Uriel’s physical, emotional, and spiritual relationships with Loki grow, so do the protests from the voice in her head. Between the two she discovers that what she was made to do is very different from what she was told. When she starts to see the big picture she has to ask herself – and her voice – if she could really destroy a god and ascend in his place.
Now she’s torn between the man who taught her and the god who insists she’s better off changing pantheons, and she doesn’t think she can trust either one. To figure it out, she’ll have to decide what means the most to her: love, sanity, or her existence. Otherwise she runs the risk of losing all three.
The voices is a little unclear to me, although I bet you’re trying to keep it a mystery 🙂 but if it’s supposed to be a surprise or mystery, I’d rather not read about it in the query. It brings up questions that aren’t simply aren’t answered. It also makes me wonder if she’s crazy, or if the voice is evil? It’s just so vague!
I’m also confused about ‘another pantheon.’ Is she in a pantheon…? Have other gods switched?
The third paragraph feels weak to me. The actual conflict seems vague to me, too. Is there a physical representation of this internal battle? How does she discover what she’s really made to do–and is that ‘destroying a god and ascending in his place’? And what god is this?
Last: Lucifer isn’t very flushed out, so as someone who doesn’t really understand her relationship with him, her struggle between choosing him or Loki seems strange? She’s in love with one, why go for her mentor? Especially since it seems he lied to her on some level.
I think you’ve got an interesting premise 🙂 I’m just a bit confused! What HAPPENS in the book besides her relationship with Loki and the voices in her head? What’re the repercussions to switching pantheons? The stakes don’t seem clear to me because of this.
(Feel free to email me if you want me to look over another? I’m no expert, and I haven’t started querying myself, so of course take this all with a grain of salt :))