I stumbled on this at about 2 am. Which is insane because I have to be up to get ready for work at five. Or six. Or maybe seven. Anyway…I thought it was perfect because

  1. I just finished week 1 of MarNo along with a great group of authors, and I can use that piece
  2. I like posting snippets of my work ^_^
  3. I love meeting new people and these blog fests always give me that opportunity

The concept is simple. I post the first 550 or so words of my current WIP (in this case, Serious Game 2.0), and ask for critique and opinion on whether or not it catches the reader’s eye. Because we all know, you don’t have very many words to hook an agent or an editor.

Longer/private critiques can be emailed. I have a Contact Me page now that has things like my email, Twitter, and author Facebook page on it. And when I get to work, I’ll be starting the rounds to read what everyone else has because…I love reading stuff ^_^ If you’re reading this and not already planning on it, make sure you click the image and do the same.

Story…right…I don’t need lead-in because this is the first 550 words of the story so…enjoy!

Serious Game 2.0
Edited thanks to comments. Thank you to everyone who’s stopped by so far!

Zach pulled a shirt over his head as he walked, navigating the spiral staircase from memory. “Yeah, all right. I’m coming.” Loose strands of blond fell back into his eyes and he blew them away with irritation. He really needed a haircut. Might have already gotten one if Kelly had been there …he pushed the thought away. The failed not-engagement was the last thing he needed to be thinking about. For a moment he wondered if he should be wearing more than his pajamas, and decided he didn’t care. His private life was already public. It couldn’t get much worse.

He crossed the foyer, tile cool against his feet, wondering who was pounding on his door at seven thirty on a Saturday morning. He could see a shape through the frosted glass, but not make out a face. The curves were enough to put a smile on his face before he answered. The expression grew when the details came into focus.

His gaze traveled up her figure. A hint of turquoise whispered through her thin top. Her dirty blond hair was pulled into short pigtails on either side of her head, and her lips were pursed in irritation. Something about her was familiar and for a minute he worried she might be someone he’d done a one-night thing with. But that couldn’t be right. She didn’t look like the kind of girl who spent her nights in bars. “Can I help you?”

She looked him over, brown eyes wide, before ducking her head. A flush spread across her cheeks. “Is my sister here?”

His hopes of hitting on her dropped a notch. Sisters were always trouble. He paused, realizing he hadn’t brought anyone home the night before. “No, sorry.”

She tugged one of her pigtails and sighed. “Are you sure?”

He would have remembered getting laid. Or going out. And it wasn’t like he drank, so he hadn’t been wasted and just forgotten.

Behind him bare feet slapped against the floor. His renter, Mason, always walked with a heavy footfall. “Hey, sis,” Mason’s distinct alto bounced off the faux-suede walls.

Zach looked behind him, eyebrow raised. Sure, Mason had long hair, but he wasn’t a girl. He looked at his visitor again. “That’s your sister?”

She rolled her eyes, but was smirking. The rise and fall of her chest captivated him for a moment. She looked at Mason when she replied. “Have you seen Natalie? Mom and Dad are freaking out.”

When he heard the name, Zach knew why she looked familiar. Like Mason, Natalie worked for him. Except unlike Rae, Natalie dyed her hair black and kept her skin pale.

“She’s downstairs tea-bagging noobs,” Mason replied. “I’ll get her.”

“No, wai-” Her protest faded as he disappeared back into the basement. “Don’t bother,” she muttered. “It’ll take too long to pull her away.”

Mystery solved and cute girl available, Zach seized the opportunity. “Do you want to come in and wait? Unless you need to be somewhere.”

“Sorta, not really.” She was still tugging on her pigtail. “I mean, I need to call my mom so she stops panicking, and I seriously need coffee because I’m not safe on the roads this early without it.”

“In that case, I can’t let you leave.” He stepped aside and held the door open. “I have coffee.” He didn’t mention it was because it had been over almost two months since Kelly left and he still hadn’t bothered to cancel her coffee of the month membership.