I’m kind of surprised I don’t have a blog entry with this title yet. Give it time, I always want to recycle the good ones.

Today, personal story meets writing moral. I think.

I had a screaming bitching idea this morning for a later chapter in the novella I’m struggling to write. This thing is my bane now. This morning I thought it wouldn’t be. I wrote the idea down, added a whole extra thousand words to my WIP, and was pretty happy with the results.

I was so happy, I went back to the part of the story where I’m actually at and tried to pick up there.

And then I made the mistake of re-reading what I’d already written. And then I thought “what if this is boring to other people?” And then…I couldn’t write any more. I’m staring at

Ethan had inferred enough from letters he had received over the years to know that very little was what it had been when he’d left. “You guys pick. I still like the same stuff, so wherever you think is good.”

“I know the perfect place.”

And I can’t go any further. I’ve rewritten the two paragraphs after that like ten times now.

There’s this little voice in the back of my head:

“Readers don’t like it when you introduce too many characters up front”

I’m only giving out her name. She’s his twin sister. I have to introduce her sometime

“A name and a relationship. Someone to keep track of. Four people in less than a thousand words. Are you retarded?”

*pouts* Not completely

“While we’re on the subject, remember that last time you wrote a novel? You know, last November, when you wrote that tedious story about people living life that bored all two of your readers to tears?”

That’s not fair. You don’t trust the opinion of one of them, and the other is more into speculative fiction than contemporary.

“Oh, good excuse. How many more have you got stored up?”

Shut up. I can write what’s in my head now and fix small errors in editing. That’s why I have awesome reviewing friends.

“Who will pass over and fall out in a pool of their own tears when they read this. It will be ‘Reunion’ all over again. Why are you wasting my time?”

…*crickets chirp*

And now you have a general idea of how my insecurities work. Which is funny because I’ve never had this particular arguement with myself until very recently. After I started getting feedback on the aforementioned novel and short story.

It won’t keep me from writing, but it will keep me from writing quickly. I just need to figure out a way to shut up the self-doubt demons for a couple of days. That’s really all I need to get this down. I tried decongestants. (I know, huh?) Because the morning after, they pretty much remove all of my ability to care and make me ultra apathetic. Unfortunately, that seems to enhance the portion of my brain that drives the self-doubt, not the part that shuts it off.

This is just another excuse not to get something done. But this is the underlying one. I don’t know what to do about it.

{/whine}